«It is serious between us. Yes, it is the guy who converted to #Islam. He asked me to marry him.» Alexandra is on the phone with her mother. This is the very first image of the documentary My Muslim Husband. Next scene. Aleksander and Daniel are kneeling, and an Imam declares them to be married. It is a wonderful set-up for the film that piques my curiosity. As an audience, we are invited to follow the couple in their daily life as it unfolds within family matters and questions about Islam that are benevolently discussed in front of the camera, often steadily showing in a scene. It took me a moment to discover that the Romanian couple are the filmmakers, too.
The question of children
Visiting Daniel’s grandmother in the countryside, the question about wanting children arises: «The childless are wreathed,» she says, «have one or two children, have heirs,» but Daniel writes a book instead. Daniel felt like a stranger in Romania, which was one reason he converted in 2009. His friends told him he was crazy, and his family was against it. «They were afraid that I would be brainwashed and become a terrorist,» Daniel says. It would be interesting to unfold these very intriguing questions: What more than feeling like a stranger led Daniel to convert to Islam, and what are his friends’ reactions today? Do they still think he is insane, and are they still his friends? Daniel has «proved» that he did not turn into a terrorist as his parents feared. It must be a burden for the convert. Things are obviously not easy for the newlyweds.
Daniel felt like a stranger in Romania
The couple live in the same house as Daniel’s family. It is very troublesome, and Aleksandra brings forward the problem of not being dependent on his family. She asks him if it is written in the Koran that he must live with his parents until he is 40. The answer is clearly no; she is begging him to find another place for them. They move, but the complaints from his family do not stop. Later, the phone is on speaker, and a voice is attacking Aleksandra for being a gypsy wanting to cheat Daniel for being unable to have children, and the voice is begging Daniel to divorce her.
It is uncomfortable for the couple, and it is uncomfortable to witness. No one is happy, and Aleksandra finds this cannot continue forever. As an audience, we are basically sitting at the end of their bed, listening to their fight. He sleeps on the couch that night. The fight continues, and as Aleksandra is packing, Daniel asks: «Are we breaking up?”. It seems like an honest question. I am trying to remember if Aleksandra converted before they married, and my thoughts dwelled for a moment into a potentially troublesome divorce. She is loyal and tries to adapt to #Muslim traditions, but she is also a woman with temper and power, not just obeying her husband. It is fascinating to witness a fight that I believe most couples have experienced. It puts your own life into perspective.
Finding the path
Aleksandra and Daniel receive online counselling, and a woman’s voice tells Daniel that he is a free man. «Show who decides and say that you love Aleksandra.» Next scene. He is praying for help to find the path. He is in an airplane or bus, and everyone wears white garments. I believe he is in $Mekka praying the Kaba with thousands of others. He looks peaceful and smiles when he calls Aleksandra, «I love you.»
The film takes us to several countries and places. It is not always obvious where to and for how long the stay lasted. But we have traveled with the couple who generously opened their door, wanting to demystify and share the challenges of their marriage. My Muslim Husband is the first feature documentary from Aleksandra and Daniel Barnuti’s hands. It is brave to share a relationship on camera, especially with all the questions, pressures, and dilemmas following a mixed-religious marriage. Everyone around Aleksandra and Daniel has an opinion about how they should live their lives, and now we, as an audience, have an insight. Thanks for that. All that matters is respect, and love seems to be the answer.
My Muslim Husband screens as part of the 2023 Astra Film Festival in Sibiu, Romania.
